In the Presence

Yesterday, I was asked how we’re doing with Ginny’s health, as we have tentatively paused treatment while we wait to start a new one in a few weeks.

It helped me to write out my thoughts, so I thought I’d share this with you also, since I know so many of you care:

We live in a tenuous position every day, as we have for several years. Meaning, we never really know what will happen. We know that any day could mean another hospital trip, and perhaps that is the last one.

As you already know, cancer itself doesn’t always cause death. It’s often the many effects — such as a blockage that leads to sudden trauma. From dehydration to low blood pressure to low oxygen from covid to unrelenting pain, Ginny has experienced a wide range of these life-threatening effects.

Over the years, we’ve been through so many close calls — more than I can count — that I cannot dwell on the “worst case.” There have been so many perilous moments that I have to trust again that God will protect again. I won’t list all of Ginny’s dangerous episodes, but it’s a pretty extensive list.

The main reason I wanted to write is because I wanted to clarify this: The way I’ve been feeling — and the way I often think about it these days — is that I am in the “presence of resurrection.” That’s the phrase I often repeat to myself. I feel like that describes it best.

Because yes, there is the pounding drum beat, which seems to ever intensify, but at the same time: I see God’s healing through experimental medicine; doctors pray with her and extend her life; Ginny gathers hidden strength (such as to offer some motherly advice to our daughters); we rise to face another challenge; we find strength beyond what is rational; we receive help from friends, family, even strangers; and in so many other ways.

So I am an observant of not only death but life.

As hard as things can be, I have the privilege to watch a disciple of Christ follow in his footsteps. On a daily basis, I see valor in the midst of battle and grace in the midst of adversity. While we would never choose this journey, we yet receive blessings in the midst of it.

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